Declaration of Independence from that Incessant Pest, Fun

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united Personalities of Shaunacy,

When in the course of human life, it becomes necessary for a person to shed the ties which hath connected them with a feeling, and to assume among the powers of the dull the separate and equal station which the laws of Boredom and of Adulthood entitle them, a decent respect towards said feeling requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

Whimsy, indeed, will dictate that patterns long established should not be changed for serious and grave causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to flourish, while such evil is present, than to throw off the shackles which bind them to said feeling.

But when a long and unending list of crimes, caused by none other than that most evil of fleeting feelings, Fun, are made apparent, it is the right, nay; it is the duty of this person, to cast off this crutch and begin anew a life without such iniquity.

The history of Fun is a history of repeated futility and worthlessness, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the daily schedule of these Personalities. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a nearly candid world.

It has refused to stop distracting Shaunacy from the ever important tasks at hand, such as that of the cleaning of her quarters.

It has encouraged the destruction of the natural environment through the use of that dubious contraption, the car, in the attempt of submitting to its Tyranny.

It has, with its seductive allure, made studying in every free second of the day impossible.

It has disbanded study groups repeatedly, for pursuing with manly firmness the acquisition of dull factual knowledge over knowledge of the latest gossip.

It has endeavored to keep the population of Shaunacy’s mind from being familiar with every work of classic literature ever printed, as well as enforcing the ban on monotonous musical practice with stunning regularity.

It has on more than one occasion kept Shaunacy from taking more than 8 classes at a time.

It has forced weekends to appear woefully short, undermining the languorous feeling of Boredom one might otherwise know.

It has made Happiness ever dependent on its presence. 

It has kept among us, in times of peace, reminders of its authority and rule, including Myspace, Frisbees, and Barnes and Noble, without the consent of our legislatures.

It is attempting to divert, with its tempting siren calls, Shaunacy from her path, i.e. the completion of this document.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms. Our Petitions have been answered solely by yet more injury. Fun, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define an Evil, is unfit to be had by a free person.

Nor has attention to Fun been wanting.

• It has been warned time and time again that its legislature extends an unwarrantable jurisdiction over Shaunacy’s actions.
• It has been reminded of the circumstances of Shaunacy’s life and its lack of place there.
• It has been appealed to, in order that it might disavow the endless distraction and allow her to read her textbooks back to front each day.

They have been deaf to the voice of reason and logic. Henceforth, it must be held in life an Enemy, and the most dangerous of such.

We, therefore, the representatives of the united Personalities of Shaunacy, assembled together for the first time, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World, Mr. Geib, for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the authority of the good People inside Shaunacy’s head, solemnly publish and declare.

That this person is, and rightfully so, Free and Independent from Fun; that she is absolved from all ties which once connected them to Fun,

And that the Free and Independent Personalities of Shaunacy have the full Power to Study continually, Know everything, Do nothing relating to Fun,

And to do all other Acts and Things which the drab and dreary may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a nonexistent reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives which are the same anyway, our Fortunes that we don’t have, and our sacrilegious Honor.

The signers of this Declaration as follows:

  

Me      Я          It              Myself           Shaunacy          Ms. Ferro           Shaunacizzle       Yo        The Artist Formally Known As Shaunacy           Nancy        That One Person        Hey You!