A lot of people told me over the summer that senior year was going to be the best year of my life. I didn’t believe them at the time. The prospect of 4 AP classes and college apps and a hero project and countless other things were too daunting. Looking back on this year, I feel like it has been almost entirely characterized by loss. I lost my grandmother, my horse, a love, a best friend, a few regular friends, my chance to go to the state speech tournament (multiple times), my ability to be alone, my faith in humanity a few times over, a few ounces of self respect, a bit of ambition, most of my creativity, a little bit of innocence, a lot of productivity, my ability to do more than one homework assignment per night, most of my fear of speaking my bad spanish, a little weight, some of my anger (it’s possible i merely reallocated my budget of anger, actually, but i’ll include it anyway) a lot of junk, my psuedo safe driving habits, my appetite, my ability to sleep, and god knows what else.
Some of those things I never thought I would lose. Some I never thought I could lose. Some I didn’t even see slipping away. Some, I guess, I’m better off without.
And where does that leave me? Am I myself lost? I thought last year that I to some extent found myself, but apparently I snuck away when I wasn’t paying attention. Don’t you hate it when that happens? I am adrift in a sea of teenage confusion. If you find me, let me know.
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